Hi Bec,
I have the same towbar fitted to my T-Roc in Australia. There are probably a couple of shims on either side of tongue where it goes vertically into the towbar bracket; these are to eliminate or reduce movement of the tongue when towing.
To remove the tongue first remove the retaining clip then tap the tongue down with a hammer, small mallet or something similar. You may heed to do it multiple times and with a little bit of force, just don't belt the he'll out of it.
When you reinstall the tongue to tow something you will probably need to put the shims back in to stop the tongue rattling, it is a tight fit so tapping it upwards with a hammer will help.
If you got the genuine VW wiring harness your car will recognise your trailer lights, adjust gear changes, turn on off rear parking sensors and multiple other things. If you have a powered tailgate then it will only release the latch when the button is pressed from within the car. I believe it does this in case there is anything on the trailer that would impede the upward progress.
Hope this helps.
Dougal
